After I finished writing the script I tried to get in touch with an actress who has an image of being intelligent and a supporter of good cinema. I was told that I should get in touch with her secretary. No, no, she did not want to read the script. Her secretary will take care of everything. The secretary is a Punjabi gentleman with a thick Punjabi accent. I introduced myself. My friend who had accompanied me mentioned my fathers’ name. The secretary knew him. Well, I thought to myself half my problems are over. He knew my father, he knows my pedigree. However my happiness turned to wide eyed surprise by the time the conversation with the secretary got over.
The conversation went like this:
Secretary: “ Ye sacript aap ne likha hai?”
Me: “Haan…”
Secretary: “Achcha ye batao is film mein romance hai?’ (There was special emphasis and drag on the word ‘Hai’)
Me: “Romance hai ..lekin matured romance hai…ek pachas saal ka aadmi hai aur tees saal ki aurat hai..”
Secretary: “Is film mein gaane hai?”
Me: “ Gaane honge lekin background mein”.
Secretary: “ Aaap ki film mein outdoor hai?”
Me: “Outdoor to bahut hai…”
Secretary: “Kahan?’
Me: “ Bambai mein”
Secretary: “ Bambai naiji main to switzerland, Australia ke outdoor ki baat kar raha tha..”
Me: “ Oh….”
Secretary: “Aap ki film mein western outfits hain?”
Me: “ Heroine saadi aur blouse…”
Secretary: “ Main na ji aap ko dark mein nahin rakna chata ..agar aap ki film mein ye sab nahin hai to phir heroineji aap ki film mein kaam nahin karengi”.
I looked at him surprised.
When I walked back to my car I burst out laughing. It was the turn of my friend to look at me surprised.
Friday, June 19
Tuesday, June 16
Cofession
I have not written anything for the blog in last few months because I was busy writing the script of the film that I want to direct. The script has been handed over to an actor-if he reads it and if he likes it then I will move ahead and finalise the other details. You must have noticed that I have written 'if he reads it'- well over here some of the actors read the script if it is backed by a well known production house or a powerful producer. My script does not have anyone backing it at the moment. If at all I start the production it will be with my money. In fact the funniest story that I have heard is of Akshay Kumar willing to do the disastarous 'Chandni Chowk To China' by just looking at the poster of the film! Most of the time the actors dont' have the time, the patience or the intelligence to read a script. They are surrounded by people who constanly give them an ego massage. So much so that they are always on 'cloud nine'. The only person I have met who has his feet on the ground is Aamir- and Aamir certainly knows a good script from a bad one. Who would have backed a preditable 'Lagaan' or a Heroineless 'Taare Zameen Pe'? Except Aamir nobody would have.
About a year back the corporate houses had got in to the film business in a big way. In fact they also pretended that they were looking at fresh ideas and scripts. When the fact was that behind the doors they were only 'signing' the big names. These 'big names' took the corporate houses for a jolly good ride. Most of them are still applying balm to their burnt fingers.One of my friend, a filmmaker who has already made his debut film, played a smart trick on a corporate house. Before that let me tell you what these coporate 'set ups' were like. The corporate 'set ups' had script readers. These were highly paid people who read the scripts that were summitted. Believe me these script readers cannot communicate in proper English or Hindi. Anyway above the script readers were the 'experts' from the movie industry -again very highly paid writers that had written hit films in the past. That they were now retired and unwanted by the movie industry is another matter. My friend downloaded a script from the net of a super hit hollywood film. He changed the names of the characters and submitted the same to this coporate house. The corporate house rejected the script -the reason was that the script was not up to the mark! In another instance he just photocopied the first fifteen pages of a script a number of times put them together in script form and gave it to the corporate house. The reply that he got after a few months was hilarious. The corporate house wrote that his script was good however they would be unable to produce it as they were looking at a different genre. In fact they urged him to submit another script in that genre!
About a year back the corporate houses had got in to the film business in a big way. In fact they also pretended that they were looking at fresh ideas and scripts. When the fact was that behind the doors they were only 'signing' the big names. These 'big names' took the corporate houses for a jolly good ride. Most of them are still applying balm to their burnt fingers.One of my friend, a filmmaker who has already made his debut film, played a smart trick on a corporate house. Before that let me tell you what these coporate 'set ups' were like. The corporate 'set ups' had script readers. These were highly paid people who read the scripts that were summitted. Believe me these script readers cannot communicate in proper English or Hindi. Anyway above the script readers were the 'experts' from the movie industry -again very highly paid writers that had written hit films in the past. That they were now retired and unwanted by the movie industry is another matter. My friend downloaded a script from the net of a super hit hollywood film. He changed the names of the characters and submitted the same to this coporate house. The corporate house rejected the script -the reason was that the script was not up to the mark! In another instance he just photocopied the first fifteen pages of a script a number of times put them together in script form and gave it to the corporate house. The reply that he got after a few months was hilarious. The corporate house wrote that his script was good however they would be unable to produce it as they were looking at a different genre. In fact they urged him to submit another script in that genre!
Wednesday, January 7
The Creative Brief- By Danish Khan
The other day I was at a meeting at an advertising agency for the production of an advertising film. The creative director looked me up an down derisively. I am sure he was thinking "this guy may be a film maker but he is definitely not creative".
When I got back home I was sure I had lost the film. I sat down all by myself with an ochre light bulb as my companion. The only thing playing on my mind was 'I am not creative...I am not creative'. I tossed and turned but I could not sleep..because I was not CREATIVE! I was about to cry when sleep overtook me. I do not know when the creative bug bit me. When I got up I was surprised my room had changed..it had more color..there were more books...more magazines..more 'black books'...more CDS with reference films on them and expensive Havana cigars strewn all around! I stretched and yawned and ran my hand over my face. Overnight I had grown a long beard! I ran to the mirror to look at myself. There I was ! But was that really me!!My beard had grown, my hair had grown and what was that shining in my earlobe? A diamond stud? I screamed, I shouted, I danced around. I wanted everyone to know I had become CREATIVE!!!
Armed with creative confidence with a cigar clenched between my teeth, I went back to the agency. I thought perhaps with my new found 'visible creative references' I might be able to swing the deal.Everyone right from the peon to the despatch boy to the creative director looked at me with pitiful eyes. I was confused. The creative director looked me up and down scorfully, and told me "Don't be so desperate to be creative. I can see that you are still living in the past. You know the the rules of creativity change everyday? Yesterday's Ghalib is today's Gulzar. Today you can be truly creative if you get your picture printed in the nude. In fact if you are creative you should have nothing to hide. But as I told you earlier the rules change everyday...by the time you get your picture in the nude there might be something else like..like..." I quickly added "...fornication..". The creative director jumped out of his seat and started shouting , everyone in the agency could hear him "..yes..fornication..fornication...Yes! Yes!My agency will be there in all the newspapers, magazines..my agency will win all the awards....imagine the free publicity we will get..In fact before we make a presentation we will show an audio visual with all of us fornicating..could you shoot us fornicating? Man you are a genius..you are truly creative!" The cigar just didn't taste right. I was about to throw it away in the dustbin, but I stopped short. Mybe I could put it to better use......
When I got back home I was sure I had lost the film. I sat down all by myself with an ochre light bulb as my companion. The only thing playing on my mind was 'I am not creative...I am not creative'. I tossed and turned but I could not sleep..because I was not CREATIVE! I was about to cry when sleep overtook me. I do not know when the creative bug bit me. When I got up I was surprised my room had changed..it had more color..there were more books...more magazines..more 'black books'...more CDS with reference films on them and expensive Havana cigars strewn all around! I stretched and yawned and ran my hand over my face. Overnight I had grown a long beard! I ran to the mirror to look at myself. There I was ! But was that really me!!My beard had grown, my hair had grown and what was that shining in my earlobe? A diamond stud? I screamed, I shouted, I danced around. I wanted everyone to know I had become CREATIVE!!!
Armed with creative confidence with a cigar clenched between my teeth, I went back to the agency. I thought perhaps with my new found 'visible creative references' I might be able to swing the deal.Everyone right from the peon to the despatch boy to the creative director looked at me with pitiful eyes. I was confused. The creative director looked me up and down scorfully, and told me "Don't be so desperate to be creative. I can see that you are still living in the past. You know the the rules of creativity change everyday? Yesterday's Ghalib is today's Gulzar. Today you can be truly creative if you get your picture printed in the nude. In fact if you are creative you should have nothing to hide. But as I told you earlier the rules change everyday...by the time you get your picture in the nude there might be something else like..like..." I quickly added "...fornication..". The creative director jumped out of his seat and started shouting , everyone in the agency could hear him "..yes..fornication..fornication...Yes! Yes!My agency will be there in all the newspapers, magazines..my agency will win all the awards....imagine the free publicity we will get..In fact before we make a presentation we will show an audio visual with all of us fornicating..could you shoot us fornicating? Man you are a genius..you are truly creative!" The cigar just didn't taste right. I was about to throw it away in the dustbin, but I stopped short. Mybe I could put it to better use......
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